Finally finished coding this layout which means I can officially start posting, which is super exciting. It’s not perfect by any means—I am a newbie at HTML/CSS—but it was important to me that I make something responsive and relatively passable-looking, which I think I managed to achieve. Just like anything in life, there’s comfort to be had in knowing that the more practice I get, the better I’ll become.
Which brings me to this entry! I had one pre-written but I didn’t want this blog to open on a sour note so here I am, writing a new one. I’ll get into what I have already written sometime later but for now, let’s think positive.
I managed to finally schedule the e-visit appointment with my doctor that I’ve been putting off for ages. As much as I know things need to change, I am very scared of taking the steps to go about achieving them. That saying about comfort found in familiarity? Totally true, even when the familiarity is killing you slowly—I am guilty of staying in situations that no longer serve me just because I avoid change at all costs. It’s such a terrible way of living. I really envy people who live life by a bull-by-the-horns approach and seek out new experiences without so much as a backward glance, because I’m the complete opposite. I’m always always always weighing the pros and cons of every action I take no matter what it is and while it’s a useful skill to have, it can be difficult at times to get my feet moving. Combine that with the option of making your own decisions being taken from you growing up and it can be, and is, debilitating.
But hey, I took that first step. I need to learn to take small victories where I can get them. I don’t give myself a whole lot of credit normally and that’s something I’m trying to unlearn. We’re all our own worst critics, but you really have to throw yourself a bone once in a while. It’s essential in keeping your head afloat while drowning.
Speaking of drowning, I’m trying to write this roleplay reply but it’s just not coming to me. I’m so lucky I have the roleplay partner I have because she is so patient and accommodating with me despite all of my bullshit hangups and neuroses. I’m going to work on it after I post this entry and I am really hoping it’s worth the wait for her. I worry about that a lot, the fact she is so patient and accommodating. I don’t ever want to take her for granted but I’m scared she’s eventually going to get tired of me.
BUT NO. Positive thoughts. I’m pecking away at it and making gradual progress, so that’s good. You know what else is good? White Castle. I’m eating some cheese sliders at the moment and am living my best depressed young adult life at 12:40 A.M. Really, I’m just stoked I finally have this layout finished. I’ve been working on it since… oh man. Since October 13? Which I know isn’t super long, but I’m the type of person who usually has things ready upon launch and I didn’t here. I fumbled my way through W3Schools and I think I came out the other end better for it.
I don’t know. The only reason I created this is so I could put down my thoughts somewhere anonymously. I’m incredibly private normally and balk at the idea of having a normal blog via means such as tumblr, LiveJournal, WordPress, etc., but I also like the idea of someone listening in from time to time, and NeoCities seems just private enough for my tastes. I like the idea of existing in someone’s world who doesn’t know me. I like the validation of being known, but at an arm’s length that I can control.
All of that to say that I hope I don’t give up on this before I start. I’m notoriously bad with follow through and that’s another thing I’m working on, but seeing how I slaved (sarcasm) over this website layout… maybe I’ll stick around, just for a little while.